Inspiration

So I'm watching The Talk right now, and let me tell you, this show is actually really good. I mean, you get to watch these women talk about their mommy experiences, minus all the cat fight and all the tabloid stories about those drama queens on The View. Ew. *shutter* Anyway, Kelly Osbourne was on today, and she was saying the person who inspires her the most, "...as cliche as it sounds...is my mom." And the she proceeded to tell the story of Sharon Osbourne. I couldn't help but be moved by her sincerity. I mean, the young people nowadays, with all the tempations, all the corruptions, and bad influences coming from the media and peers, especially someone growing up in the entertainment industry, to be so down to earth and still think the world of their mothers, is...well, rare. But Kelly Osbourne spoke of her mom as her hero, as someone who she aspires to be. This got me thinking about my own kids. Will I be as good as a mother as Sharon Osbourne? To have our children think the world of me too? I don't want to do it for the recognition, so that my children can tell other people how great of a mother I am (wishful thinking?). I want to do it for my kids, to be the best role model for them that they grow up thinking their mother is their inspiration for everything.

In this day and age, it seems like there are so many criterias to meet in order to become a "good" parent. There is so much pressure out there. You not only have to do the most basic things like feed your children and clothe them, you have to make sure that the food is organic, that the clothes they wear on their backs are washed in allergy-free detergents, that you give them plenty of stimulation to the mind, that you plan playdates with their friends, that you discipline with positivity instead of negative punishment, that they get enough sleep, yada yada yada. I could go on forever. I for one, find it mind boggling trying to figure out what kind of extra curricular activities to put my kids in. They are currently signed up for two, do I do more? But they're only pre-schoolers! Do I sign them up for music? For Chinese? And the pressure of trying to be the perfect parent really becomes exhausting when you're a pregnant mom too.

I think I've come to the conclusion that I know I can't be perfect. I'll do what I can, love my children as much as I can, make sure that they are respectful little people while still being mischievious like any pre-schoolers should be, and leave it at that. I don't have everything figured out yet, but I'm learning as I go. Yesterday doesn't provide the same lesson plan as today does, so I'm taking each lesson in, one day at a time. And maybe by the time my children are all grown, I hope to have learned and taught them enough that they consider me their inspiration one day.

Old Post Revisited

I was reading this old blog that I posted...apparently when I was still pregnant with baby K.  I'm SO glad I posted this.  Now that the boys are older, I don't get the lovey dovey baby boys anymore.  Don't get me wrong, they're still beautiful kids and I love them to death.  But you know how it is when kids get older.  Mommy just isn't the world to them anymore.  I'm sure I'm still dear to them, but...it's...just...not...the...same.  This post brings me back to the days when my boys were still little.

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With both boys asleep soundly in their beds, and an episode of Glee later, I had the sudden urge of wanting to blog about my kids. I'm not a great writer or anything, for all I know, my ability to write well diminishes everyday that I don't use the skill, but I just had to put into words of a sudden picture that popped up in my mind.

It has been getting increasingly harder for me to get up from the bed after an afternoon nap. I already don't get enough sleep since I'm woken up by two 3-year-olds everyday who want to cuddle up next to me. It was ok when I was still thin, but with the growing belly, there's no way I can sleep well anymore past 3am everyday. So my saving grace is my afternoon nap, after I run my morning errands, after I take my lunch, while the boys are still at school. Yet as I get bigger and bigger, I just don't want to get out of bed anymore. Because the minute I get up, it's go, go, go. Karate, soccer, karate, and the days there aren't any after school activities (heck, even the days with the activities), I have to make dinner. Then clean up, then make lunch, then hustle kids for a bath, then to bed. However, nothing in the world can compare to how much love I feel the moment the boys know that I'm at school to pick them up. The minute their teachers announce their names, the sheer joy on their faces, the most brilliant and innocent smile, is alone to keep me going for the rest of the day. If I could build a camera right into my retinas, I would capture each of their fantastic, sweet smiles everytime I see them. There's nothing that can compare to watching your little 3-year-olds running to you, with so much excitement just from seeing you there, and carrying their little backpacks on their backs. I could have the worst day of my life and my kids could brighten it up just with those smiles. I don't think anything I type can justify the amount of love I have for them. Is there anyway to keep them at 3 forever? I don't mind having to tend to their every need. If my mere presence can make them smile that wide at the age, I don't want them to ever grow up. Ever.

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I was able to find some pictures off my computer of the boys during their "little" days.  Love them to pieces.

J during his Holiday Sing-Along perfornance in 2010

C during his Holiday Sing-Along perfornance back in 2010